The new issue of Chunklet (18) is canvassing the streets NOW. I’m in it…interviewing some people. Check it out. I use the word “bedraggled” twice. Must’ve been the word of the week. It’s a funny word. Not as funny as “hardscrabble,” but funny. “Hardscrabble” would make a great name for a No Depression fake country band. Or one of these new fake redneck bands of the Kings Of Leon ilk. What you witness with my site, with all of these posts, is practice. I write, and I need practice. You are sitting in on practice. Difference being, you know, I’m not some boring band. Now, let’s talk pranks. Some years back, Henry, the editor/publisher of Chunklet, asked me to help out with a little something. It was little. Punk Planet Magazine approached Henry with their form interview that I surmise has something to do with zines. They profile a zine in each issue, with the same group of questions. I haven’t browsed an issue of Punk Planet since I had issues. Something tells me that there’s not much reading KA-BANG to be had in those pages. Henry asked me to fill out the interview on his behalf. I agreed on one condition: That he forward the interview to the editor without looking at or altering it in any way. After making that condition, I lost track of the subsequent process, but I think that it ran in PP. I’m trying to picture myself answering this thing, so that I can picture my desk, so I can picture my apartment, for a good idea of when I answered this thing. Coming up with “the unfunny era.” Look for the “irony.” Look for the incorrect use of the word “slander.” Here’s how it went:

Hey there–

Loved the new issue. God you put out a great zine. Anyway, I’d love it if
you’d want to do the 20 Questions for the next issue of Punk Planet. If
you’re into it, I’ll need them no later than this Friday, the 22nd of Sept.

Thanks!

Dan

****

1. How long have you been doing your zine and what issue are you on?

Since the Carter administration. There should be a number on the issue that you are holding. Take that number and add the number six, then subtract the number five.

2. How long do you plan on doing it for?

Until I get famous.

3. What would cause you to quit?

Stardom.

4. How do you distribute your zine?

I strap them to the backs of rescue dogs and point in the direction of each large metropolis.

5. Why is your zine called what it’s called?

Because it is a catchy name for a mini-series.

6. What were the runner up names?

“Roots,” “The Thornbirds,” “Shogun,” and “Mother, May I Sleep With Danger?”

7. In order of importance, what would you rank as the three main subjects
you cover?

Character actors, Audio/Video Verite’, and Walter Matthau

8. What’s the hardest part about doing your zine?

Having to deal with people who lack a sense of humor.

9. What’s the most rewarding?

Having to deal with people who lack a sense of humor.

10. Are you doing your zine for the free stuff?

Yeah, comedic slander seems to bring in droves of promos.

11. What was the best and worst interview you’ve ever done?

Best: Rip Torn Worst: Zodiac Mindwarp

12. Quote your favorite thing ever said in the pages of your zine.

“FUCK YES!!!!!” – David Grubbs

13. Do you write everything yourself? If so, why? If not, how do you find
other writers?

I have this revolutionary approach where I tell writers that they can write about things besides politics and their favorite bands.

14. How is your zine produced?

There was a police/buddy dramatic comedy, or dramedy, in the 70’s called “Holmes and Yo Yo.” The Yo Yo character was a humanoid robot that would spit crime statistics from slit in its chest. I own a similar, crime fighting android that prints each issue individually.

15. Handwritten vs. Typewriter vs. Computer?

Certainly not handwritten, since that would mean that I would have more in common with Aaron Cometbus, and the simple use of oxygen is enough. Most people are technophobes or luddites for affect, not out of necessity. It’s very “punk rock.” I don’t subscribe to the “it looks like shit so it must be the real deal” aesthetic. People past the age of twenty-five who produce handwritten or white-out-smeared zines should be put out of their misery.

16. What other zines inspire you?

Forced Exposure (R.I.P.), Entertainment Weekly, Conflict (really R.I.P.), Cat Fancy, American Shotgun Fanatic, whatever that zine is that is comprised entirely of tear-stained hate letters from Weasel Walter, and The Cimarron Weekend.

17. What is “selling out”?

Careerist rock writing. Putting out a publication (a term that I prefer) that only features positive reviews and book-report style pieces with no humor or personality. For some people, journalism and/or true entertainment takes a backseat to constant relationship-stroking between writer and record label. I don’t understand why anyone who genuinely cared about music would want to read something like CMJ or Puncture - magazines that only contain neutral or positive text. Does a fucking computer program write those things?!?

18. If you could live off of your zine, would you?

No, I would live off of being famous.