See older entry for description of this series. Basically, these didn’t make it into my Magnet column.

HOWIE DAY
Stop All The World Now
OOOOhhh……we need a Bill O’Reilly/Ludacris/PMRC-style scandal involving stoned neo-hippies sucking on Whip-It’s and totaling their Subaru Outbacks. Oh, while listening to Howie Day, I mean.

BLACK MOUSTACHE
s/t
Um, I’m sorry, did someone sleep through the past EIGHT YEARS OF IRONIC FACIAL HAIR AND IT’S ALL AROUND WIPED-OUT, UNIMAGINATIVE USE AS A POP-REFERENTIAL TOOL? Check in around 2006, when you’re called Inevitable Bald-Spot and are the number one seller at stoop sales across Brooklyn.

TURBONEGRO
Scandinavian Leather
Your music is slowing down into pop-metal, making the schoolyard poor-man’s Mentor’s subject matter all the more embarrassing. You are (really) grown men, and I am not going to take an order from a (really) grown man to “wipe it ’til it bleeds.” The sado-sexual department of the store is sold out. What, you’re going to back a motorcycle up into my butt crack and then pop the clutch? …….snore…….

THE STAR SPANGLES
Bazooka!!!
I like to know what a band sounds like after hearing them, not looking at them. Is it possible to over-stylize any merit out of the package? Yes. We need another one of these bands like we need more Arnold Sw impersonations.

SPACEMEN 3
Forged Prescriptions
This pony never even had one full trick. The single most overrated band on the cool-list. The revolution was sleeping on the couch and the critic-lemmings followed it right over the cliff. Drugs made a sizable chunk of my record collection, but posturing morons on drugs made The Spacemen 3 and their respectively over-blown solo careers.