Out with the Christmas List; on with the regular postings. Lotta goddamned good that thing did. Thanks to Rob Carmichael for sending me a couple of Animal Collective CD’s, and, uh, thanks to no one else. My PO Box has not been lonely, oh no, and though it has diddly-shit to do with Christmas, some fine peepsies were thoughtful enough to send some items. Today’s trip to the box yielded the following:

The customary package from Load Records. Nice Guy Of Superior Intellect Ben McOsker “loaded” me up with his latest anti-social stocking-stuffers. The new Burmese CD (”Men”): Not suitable for female consumption, I’d say, despite having some loose Erase Errata affiliation. This is hands-down the most hateful music I’ve ever heard (four minutes of). It’s a soundtrack to watching your cat die, or something, so…I’m passing due to weak tummy. Often it is an act. This is not an act. Like Whitehouse, but with genuine scare tactics. Sightings are next with “Arrived In Gold.” Love the title; haven’t heard the CD yet. Last from Load…the Kites/Prurient “The Hidden Family”/”+White+” split CD. Excepting the last track, this might be what a cat hears as it’s dies.

From Merge Records: The new Lou Barlow CD “Emoh” - get it? It’s no “Evol.”

Recent CD’s by The Comas and The Blood Brothers showed cuz I have to write about them, same with the brand new Mercury Rev. About Mercury Rev: The past 14 years have not produced a pop song on par with “Car Wash Hair.”

I’m on new lists due to new writing gigs, and the metal arrives!!

A package from Black Lotus Records stuffed full of you-name-it.

CD inserts tell the stories…

Olethrio Rigma O
Album Title: “Tormos Tis Exousias Promotional Use Only Not For Sale”
Genre: Punk/Metalcore
Origin: Greece

Earles’ pre-listen synopsis: “Good luck.”

Thanatos
Album Title: “Undead. Unholy. Divine. Promotional Use Only Not For Sale”
Genre: Death Metal
Origin: Holland

Earles’ pre-listen synopsis: “What exactly do you have to complain about in Holland?”

Sarissa
Album Title: “Masters Of Sins Promotional Use Only Not For Sale”
Genre: Classic Epic Metal Combined With Symphonic Progressive Elements
Origin: Greece

Earles’ pre-listen synopsis: “Thanks for the warning.”

Haterush
Album Title: “Mark Of The Warrior Promotional Use Only Not For Sale”
Genre: Heavy/Power Metal
Origin: Sweden

Earles’ pre-listen synopsis: “That is not a ‘Heavy/Power Metal’ band name.”

Airged L’amh
Album Title: “The Silver Arm Promotional Use Only Not For Sale”
Genre: Epic Folk Metal
Origin: Greece

Earles’ pre-listen synopsis: “The Corn-Studded Turd.”

Negative Creeps
Album Title: “Mutual Annihilation Promotional Use Only Not For Sale”
Genre: Thrashing Metalcore
Origin: ???

Earles’ pre-listen synopsis: “Why are they withholding the country of origin? With a mayor-of-crapopolis name like ‘Negative Creeps’, who gives a shit?”

…also from Black Lotus, but in a different envelope, comes two releases from Chris Caffery. One is a 2 CD set, the other a single. The single CD is Christmas-themed.

Hey Gladys, do you know who the fiddly-fuckaroo Chris Caffery is? He is none other than THE guitar badass from Floridian power metal / diet thrash legends Savatage - notable for being the only band from Florida that did not play death metal.

Jesus Palomino!! Can you believe that someone would have the gonads to try this album cover????

There is no “power” or “metal” to be found within the 44 hours of music. Sugar! Sugar! Sugar! Sugar!

What the fuck is happening?!?! The world really is ending!!! I’m getting eye-raped over here!!!

Until I return from the cruise w/Mom….Merry Christmas!!! Next update: 12/27

A closing word from Scag Winesack, Retired P.I.

“I’m lookin’ to latch onto this energy drink craze, and have created Scag Winesack’s Roof Juice. It consist of ground up twigs, acorns, and horse apples, plus rain runoff and day old AA Meeting Folgers (this is where the energy comes from). It’s endorsed by Stacy Keach - I was a consultant on the “Mike Hammer” series in the early 80’s. He and I chased a lot of skirt together.”