I just found more discarded linear notes for the Killed By Absurdity 7″, released back when I had hope.

(start)

No matter how negative or positive, there will always be a reaction when this record is played. If you do not enjoy at least 60 collective seconds of this record, you have just lent truth to the rumor that you will die unhappy and alone in an apartment complex behind a dilapidated Chucky Cheese restaurant. Aren’t you glad that I chose this explanatory route for the cover art? This alleviates your need to bother the record store clerk with annoying questions like “What is this all about?”, “Is this a comp of some sort?”, or the granddaddy of all twitch-inducing, day-ruining queries: “Can I hear this first?” I would wager a guess that you are a tremendously irritating customer, so just keep reading and leave people alone. It is no coincidence that the person behind the counter magically gets on the phone every time that you enter the store. Feigning a conversation and listening to a dial tone for 15 minutes is preferable to a four second exchange with the likes of you. Next time you’re at a show and you see a local record store employee buying a beer or standing by themselves trying to relax, make sure and engage them in a conversation about some bullshit that you bought from them, our inquire about a piece that you have on order…do this because they stay on the clock 24/7. Buy your records and go rent something predictable like, say, Assassination Factor III: Picnic Of Seduction. Renting movies became fairly commonplace once your girlfriend split on account of you wouldn’t stop talking about records all the time.