Failed Pilot

Submitted recently for approval. Probably not approved.

FuckHaus (raw, po-mo garage blues) ’94 – ‘96

Andrew Earles – Guitar
Waffle – Drums

TailWaters (illbient) half of ‘96

Andrew Earles – samples, visuals
DJ Ubik – other stuff

Hey! Student! (jagged, anarcho post-punk) ’97 – ‘98

Hans Jarblan – Guitar, Vocals
Andrew Earles – Bass
Stefan Hanny – Drums

Vivendo Cada Dia Mais Sujo e Agressivo (Portuguese Death Metal) ’98 – ‘99

Henrique Humberto – Guitars/Vocals
Andrew Earles – Bass
Leandro Amorin – Guitars
Rica Borba – Drums

Bearded Attacker (indie twee pop) ’98 – ‘01

Zach Robbins – Bass/Vocals
Andrew Earles – Guitars
Josh Robbins – Guitars
Tight Weave – Drums

Lubricate Your Alcove (angular new post-post-punk) ’99 – ‘00

Andrew Earles – Drums
Zach Robbins – Guitars/Vocal
Josh Robbins – Guitars
Tight Weave - Bass

Wood Sergeant (tepid boogie) ‘00 – ‘01

Ronnie Conner – Guitar/Vocal
Andrew Earles – Bass
Puffs McCloud - Drums

Mass Grave (east coast power violence crust grind) ’95 – present

Tito Martinez – Guitars/Vocals
Ruben Martinez – Guitars/Vocals
Andrew Earles – Drums
Mario Martinez – Bass

So I went with “the world’s first feral cat hunting lodge” idea for tonight’s edition of Tom Scharpling’s “The Best Show On WFMU.” Not too shabby; Scharpling and I are having a decent run since my “Phase II” with his show began (a month or so ago).

Go here, hit the April 26, 2005 link, and start listening around 1:57:00 into the show.

My voice changes from a slurred “Carl” (Caddyshack) to, uh, me.

The middle sags a little, but there are moments, and it ends with aggression.

Enjoy

Vote on the funniest call!!!!

On Tuesday evening, I’ll be calling in to Tom Scharpling’s “Best Show On WFMU” as a “humorous” character, Tom does his thing, misunderstandings ensue, funny bizness results, you may or may not know the drill. I need for you, reader, to vote on the funniest character idea. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

-In light of the recent reformation of Dinosaur Jr’s original line-up, I will call in as Del Tha Funkee Homosapien, Dinosaur Jr.’s collaborator on the Judgment Night soundtrack. He will be asking how to get a hold of J. Mascis, pining for an invitation to join them on stage, etc. This idea doesn’t make total sense, as the Dinosaur Jr. circa Judgment Night was the Mike Johnson-on-bass-Murph-in-the-bottle era (early-90’s). Hey, maybe that could be part of the call’s charm.

-Checking in to real life for a sec. Feral cat hunting is up for legalization in Wisconsin, I do not jest. I will be calling in as the proprietor of the first ever feral cat hunting lodge. Unless I can do better, it may be called “KittyKlasm.”
We’ll throw bait out in the fields (alleys?), like used scratching posts, soiled litter boxes, feather toys, and the like. We will have a ridiculous assortment of arms available for client rental (have yet to compose list - will be HILARIOUS).

-I could call in as Robert Blake, as I do a serviceable impersonation.

-I could mistake Tom Scharpling for “Troubleshooter” Tom Martino (”The Problem Solver”), the popular daytime talk radio host that attempts to do exactly what his name implies. This would be a recurring character (I’ve done it once before). I will call armed with several out-of-hand problems.

Ok, so what looks promising?

Self-Promotion…Free Archives

grocery store freakout: “White Noise” (Delillo)

minute-by-minute description of an intense hangover: “Paris Trout” (Pete Dexter)

sex: “Beneath The Underdog” (Charles Mingus)

description of an in-progress aneurysm: “Purple America” (Rick Moody)

understated but arresting violence: (any Pete Dexter)

debauched friendship: “The Shark-Infested Custard” (Charles Willeford)

psychosis: “Blackburn” (Bradley Denton)

modern crime: (any George Pelecanos)

confusion and insecurity posing as crime fiction: (the 70’s and early 80’s books of Charles Willeford)

chaos and paranoia with lots of heart: “A Scanner Darkly” (P. K. Dick)

South without being self-consciously “South”: “Poachers” (Tom Franklin)

coming of age: “Geronimo Rex” (Barry Hannah)

hilarious dialogue by out-of-sync protagonist: “Dog Of The South” or “Norwood” (Charles Portis)

excuse not to be working on what I should be working on: This post

“Queen Of The After Dinner Mints”

“Tedium Is The Medium”

“Creative Bankruptcy”

“Potato Mountain”

“Were Husker Du The Greatest Band Ever? No…but close.”

“Something In That Shrub Is Staring At Me”

“KittyKlasm”