You cannot steal them. They may be needless, but all of my babies get love and protection.

“The BTW Killer”

- Had this one on the hung over drive from my mother’s place (DON’T ASK!!!!!….ok, go ahead and ask). This parody would be a serial killer that punctuates his written cop-tauntings with “LOL”, “IMHO”, and so on. Check please!

Leather towels

Dog food that tastes like cat shit

The screenplay of a film cast entirely with tamagochis

Consuming an entire bottle of Ouzo on my birthday (it’s today) and subsequently trying to endure the Graceland candlelight vigil (death night is tonight)

- This culminated in my exiting our vehicle at an intersection, walking into the bushes, and weeping.

The first eight months of 2005