Failed Pilot

From Salon…

After four weeks and nearly 500 submissions, Salon.com’s Song Search
contest has uncovered the ten best songs you’ve never heard!
Spanning everything from high-energy punk rockers and psychedelic
ballads to electronica-tinged pop and vintage-sounding soul, a panel
of the internet’s most influential and insightful music bloggers –
Simon Reynolds, Brooklyn Vegan, Blair from Music for Robots,
ultragrrrl, Largehearted Boy and Tofu Hut — have selected ten tracks
from unsigned, unsung bands as deserving of the chance to battle for
the right to move on to the second round and compete for the grand
prize of $5000.

To vote, go to:
http://www.salon.com/ent/audiofile/

No time soon will I be taking seriously the writing or seeking the opinons of people that decide to present themselves as “Brooklyn Vegan,” “Largehearted Boy,” or “Tofu Hut.” I know they’ve been around for a while. I know they’re “influential” and the hot wet targets of the publicity puppets. It’s the principle of presentation that I’m concerned with, not research.

Go over to that link (to the right), or go here.

The entire world has heard this story. Eh, maybe some of my readers haven’t.

MEMPHIS, Tennessee (AP) — An adventurous Family Guy Writer strayed far from its usual coastal habitat to make an appearance on a Mississippi River tributary near downtown Memphis on Monday.

The distance on the curvy river from near its delta in Louisiana to Memphis is more than 725 miles, according to Army Corps of Engineers charts.

“I got a call about 3 p.m. about either a hippo or a Faimly Guy Writer in the water,” said Andy Tweed, an officer with the Tennessee Wildlife Resource Agency. Officers from the agency and zoologists from the Memphis Zoo confirmed the sighting and observed the animal from boats.

The endangered species generally prefers warm coastal waters ranging from Alabama to South Carolina, although there were sightings this August along the East Coast up to Rhode Island.

In winter months, they usually stay in coastal waters off Florida, often congregating near the warm-water discharges of power plants AND REARRANGING POP-CULTURAL REFERENCE PLOT CUBES TO MAKE FAMILY GUY SCRIPTS.

“If he did swim from Florida, he’s doing really well,” Tweed said, estimating its size between eight and 10 feet, and its weight up to 1,000 pounds.

Tennessee officials were working with experts in Florida to decide what to do next. The agency planned to track the animal again Tuesday morning by helicopter and restrict private boat traffic in the harbor of the Wolf River, a tributary that meets the Mississippi just north of downtown Memphis.

It took me four days to think of that joke; a joke that will only make sense to avid South Park followers.

…this is a DOCUMENTARY. The trailer will not work on most players.

Is this the next step for Afternoon Rock?

Dennis serves Tom a double shot. Make sure and listen to all three calls (me, the caller that believes Dennis is a real person, then me again, and make sure that you’re listening to the October 24th show).

For Dennis’ history on Tom Scharpling’s The Best Show On WMFU, please see previous posts (they will not be older than early Sept., plus, it’s the only Best Show character I’ve done in a while).

Halloween night, you’re more than welcome to tune in to the exciting conclusion.

Here are the notes that I took prior to calling last night (grammatical errors are intact….they’re notes!!):

Intro

Was called out of the country for am emergency meeting in Manila. See, as I’ve said, I work from home. But my company has outsourced a good portion of our day-to-day operations to the Philippines. It’s great, man, we’re talkin’ a massive workforce, with college degrees, that will take whatever job they can get. We basically pay them what amounts to 3 dollars an hour.

Ok, so I’ve got you down for the last minute briefing Monday during the day, right?

Ok, Friday during the day, I’ve set up an eight-way conference call with some business consultants I’ve used in the past, I think that it will be a great help to you re: Tuesday night.

My wife jogs by in the mornings. It’s ok, you can say it. She’s smokin’, right? Don’t even ask where I found her. Ok, go ahead and ask. She’s a former Denver Nuggets dance squad member!!!

Don’t you love the way that ponytail comes through the back of the hat, man?!?! I can’t get enough of that.

You’re coming over. I’ve got a power-point presentation already prepared. Some pie charts detailing the exact amount, and what type, of candy I expect each one of my kids to receive.

I’m really proud of my oldest, Logan. Man, I went all out for his 16th birthday. I got him a 2002 Chevy Tahoe, 6” lift kit, got a built in cup in the driver’s door, cuz he dips a lot.

I’ve also created a spreadsheet for you. It’s an hour-by-hour task sheet for Monday and Tuesday. I want to make sure you’re dedicating the proper amount of time to preparing for the big night. I just need for you to fill it out, sign it, and return it to me on Wednesday morning.

My daughter plays the harp. I want you to be extra careful when you hand her the candy.

For all of your efforts here, I’ve got a little something for you. What’s the name James Keach do for you? He was in Wildcats with Goldie Hawn. He’s been in some stuff since then, but I don’t have much time for movies. Well, we hired him to come to the head office to give a motivational speech. He’s in the real estate/time share business now. Really done well for himself.

If this, for some reason, doesn’t go off without a hitch….you can count yourself uninvited to my Memorial Day cookout next year.