Conan has a running Manatee skit. South Park employed a bit that claimed Manatees wrote Family Guy episodes. Memphis murders Manatees.
Those not regional to the Memphis area may, or more than likely do not, remember that a Manatee swam up the Mississippi River to Memphis. Residents adored him/her. Residents worried. Manatees cannot handle the pollution and cold water temps that Memphis was serving up in October. Sea World ascended upon our town and did a piss poor job of saving the animal. When the Manatee disappeared for a day, Sea World (and other official Zoo-types from around the country) quickly threw their collective hands up and left. Maybe the Sea Cow had caught the current, dizzily riding the river back down to warmer water. Not so. The gentle creature ambled over to a large oxbow called McKellar Lake, presumably because of the industry, boat ramps, and docks that dotted its shores (supposedly these sort of things make for warmer water). Two days ago, the severely starved beast washed up on the north shore of this watery horror pit. Take a look.
That was a Lead Up to my little assessment of McKellar Lake.
Once a beach within reach (my Mom partied there), McKellar Lake has since become one of the scariest, plain ‘ol fucked-up destinations in the Memphis area. There is one marina, the Buttercup Marina. You can rent a slip there for $475 a month. I found this out from a prank call conducted at 11:45 PM. Additionally, I had a friend that rented a boat at Buttercup Marina, and not just any boat, but a rear-wheel river boat that had been converted into a house boat. It had an incredibly slow leak in its hull, and was sinking an inch per year. His next “door” neighbor ran a meth lab out of her boat, and it, as meth labs are wont to do, burst into flames one evening. My acquaintance was forced to untie the fiery mess, and kick it into the middle of the lake. Buttercup Marina consists of clapboard atrocities that have been built to float, along with your more traditional houseboat fare. The parking lot is littered with semis that don’t run, boats (tugs included) that don’t float, cars that don’t have wheels, coyotes, foxes, wild dogs, raccoons, and weirdos that materialize out of nowhere if you decide to start taking pictures. Venture further into the lake, and you’ll find the money shots: Decommissioned floating restaurants and hotels, boarded up, rammed into the shore, and guarded (via firearms) by the testy, drug-addled river rats. And the industry, the industry that dumps into or is backed up to the lake, as turned this murky hellhole into one of the most polluted bodies of water in the region, and that’s saying a lot. Our manatee made a wrong left turn. Don’t make the same mistake.