Failed Pilot

Pan’s Labyrinth left me feeling little. I wanted Smokin’ Aces, but had to settle for Blind Guardian: The Movie. It’s better than Mimic, in case you were wondering, and it has ”Harry” from the excellent A Friend Like Harry, but Hellboy is superior. Apples and oranges, I know. I need Smokin’ Aces. Right now, the stupid light needs to be on HIGH for 2 - 3 hours.

Thanks go out to colleague Bob Mehr for gifting me with this. Sealed. Worst artwork of ‘06? Me thinks so.  

Note: These are not proposed band names. They are nicknames for those that weather the brunt of your good-hearted abuse. I have graded them.

Fart Garfunkel - A+

Doofus Wainwright - A+

Husker Don’t - C-

Skank Williams Jr. - A+

Ravi Skankar - B+

Schuck Owens - A

Pooter Jennings - B-

Last night’s attempt (via bulletin):

486 Friends and no end in sight!!

That’s right, numbnuts, Just Farr A Laugh is taking over. We’ll soon have big news for the faithful….a grand announcement!! Until then, put us in that Top 8/16 and don’t forget to do loud, poor impersonations of our hilarious prank phone call master strokes as you drunkenly hit on a “prospect” at the next boring party or forgettable rock show. Thank us now, or thank us later, but thank us. Put us in your linear notes (note: you probably don’t want us to put you in ours!!). Listen to JFAL on the tour bus/van, let JFAL dominate your cute little radio show, bask in the comedy gold as you blow your brains apart with drugs and booze!! Listen to the four calls on our profile and roll about the floor to the sounds of the Born Funny!! Post YouTube clips (that give us credit, ‘natch) of yourself trying to “cover” our calls!! Pass out in the yard!!-Two Funny PeopleTonight’s turn of attitude (via bulletin):Tonight’s turn of attitude (via bulletin):I’m So Very Sorry

Tonight’s turn of attitude (via bulletin):I apologize (put us in that Top 8/16) for the caustic nature of last night’s bulletin. Not sure what got into me. That’s certainly no way to make friends. Still, I remain troubled by the astonishing number of pending friend requests (put us in that Top 8/16). We are awaiting MySpace friend approval from the following (note: all are involved in the (put us in that Top 8/16) entertainment industry – that’s really all we’re looking for right now): Throneberry, 1,000 Homo DJ’s, Chickasaw Mud Puppies, Carter The Unstoppable Sex Machine, John Murray, James Keach, Ronnie Milsuck, The God Bullies, Dad: The Movie, Throw That Beat In The Garbage, Cud, Grotus, The Victims Family, Shasta McNasty: The Show, Obituary, Paper Bag, Paleface, Beat Farmers, Murphy’s Romance: The Movie, Bird on a Wire: The Movie, Black Dice, Bewitched: The Band, Zodiac Mindwarp, Run Westy Run, Dave Eggers, The Jackofficers, Love Tractor, Muckafurgason, Nada Surf, The Skatenigs, The Iowa Beef Experience, DJ Spooky: That Subliminal Kid, Sister Double Happiness, KMFDM, Alien Sex Fiend, Badfinger Circa ’78, The Canadian Godz, Bootsauce, MoFungo, The Infectious Grooves, the Lizard mascot for The Infectious Grooves, Scatterbrain, Sausage, I Mother Earth, White Trash, J.T. Leroy, Six Feet Under, Pro-Pain, Bloodbrothers: The Movie, Ordinary People: The Movie, Knapsack, Radial Spangle, Steve Earle, Primus, Farm-Aid, Pop Will Eat Itself, Gaye Bikers on Acid, Crazyhead, The Shamen, Brilliant, Anything Box, The Official Gene Parsons Fan Page, Fart Garfunkel, Sheriff, Chilliwack, DJ Food, Michael G. Hagerty, Whisker Biscuit, King Missile, Motorbooty: The Magazine, Grace and Dignity: The Magazine, To Live and Shave in L.A., Boyd Rice, Cousins: The Movie, and Gruntruck. If you know any of these folks, put in a good word!!-Two Occasionally Funny Guys

….for exposing the fact that I have no original ideas.

You can start saving up today. The shelves in my office must buckle under the weight of Born Loser, Crankshaft, Frank and Ernest, and Tumbleweeds anthologies. Competing writers fear no more, as I’ve eschewed all inspired book proposal ideas in favor of a 1,328 page examination of marginal funny page underdogs.

That’s right. The barely-veiled racism, the strips written and illustrated by two people, the existentialist box car hobos, the crotchety bus driver that grumbles at technology….I can’t get enough!!

The Murph made the cover of EW, so I took it down. He refused to be interviewed for the feature. Arsenio Hall did not refuse. In the writer’s argument that Eddie is on the upswing, he deftly avoids any mention of Norbit - a movie that I will see in the theater. I’d still get behind an exhaustive 900-page biography.