Failed Pilot

I watched the final hour and a half. More accurately, it was on in the background while I wrote a paper. Here is a transcript of my thoughts as they occurred. The show is so unispiring; it’s very hard for me to be funny. This is what my brain did:

“Desmond Dekker shout out!”

“Stevie Wonder may be blind, but is having no trouble finding the pantry.” 

“This portly lass from Dreamgirls has prepared perhaps the most inarticulate speech of the evening.”

“The Chili’s are back to being a white funk band.”

See how useless that was? Does this win the “Pointless Post of 2007″ award? I’ll make up for it in the coming days.

….will happen the evening of the 25th. Tonight, I’ll have the Grammy’s on in the background, while more important things are accomplished. Look for an an eye-rolling, silly, and sigh-inducing post by night’s end.

Jello Biafra to the F.B.I.:

“PUUUULEEEEEEEEEZE OPEN A FILE ON ME!!!!! I’M A THREAT!!!! I’M A ‘CULTURAL TERRORIST’!!!! I’M WORTH IT!!!! I MADE A RECORD LAST YEAR WITH A SKATENIG!!!! I DON’T BELIEVE IN THE INTERNET!!! I SWEAR THAT I’LL CAUSE TROUBLE!!! PLEASE OPEN THAT FILE!!!!!”

Note to authorities: Jello Biafra will be attacking giant, slow-moving targets for a living on Tuesday March 6, 2007, at the Media Co-Op, 1000 S Cooper, Memphis, TN.

Please come take this irrelevant windbag away in cuffs!! NO MORE 3CD SPOKEN WORD SETS!!!!