Good news!!
The next time you’re loitering in a book store or dumpster diving, look for my various pieces in both The Onion and Harp Magazine, two brand new additions to my resume. Maybe you should buy Harp, so I can continue writing for them, and The Onion is free.
I’m especially excited about the Harp feature (should be the issue hitting stands next week). It’s an extensive interview with Tom Scharpling and Jon Wurster of…Scharpling and Wurster fame, plus a sidebar history of seminal comedy duos.
For The Onion, I’ll be penning an essay about Marilyn Manson (among other things). Yep.
PEACE OUT!!
I just returned from L.A., where I wore my body to shreds. My heart feels like a baby bird’s, beating inside of a thin layer of skin and muscle. Also, I need to start coming up with some better posts (see various criticisms in various comment sections).
To hold you over a day, if you are a non-regional reader, here’s the transcript of Sen. Ophelia Ford’s 911 call (this occured right after the incident detailed in my previous post)…
911 CALL TRANSCRIPT
This is the transcript from a 911 call placed by an employee at the Sheraton Hotel Downtown Nashville. The entire call can be heard by clicking on the link at the top of this story.
Dispatcher: Metro Nashville Police and Fire.
Caller: Hey, this is Jeff at the Sheraton Hotel Downtown Nashville.
Dispatcher: Yes sir.
Caller: Um, I have, uh, I need someone to come and take a look at one of our guests. They took a fall out of one of our bar chairs upstairs in the concierge lounge on the 24th floor.
(Caller gives address and phone number of the hotel.)
Dispatcher: And you think they need an ambulance?
Caller: Well, I don’t necessarily know … she’s, she’s extremely intoxicated so I can’t tell.
Dispatcher: Are you with her now?
Caller: I am.
Dispatcher: How old is she approximately?
(Redacted from tape.)
Dispatcher: Is she conscious?
Caller: She is.
Dispatcher: Is she breathing?
Caller: Yes, she is.
Dispatcher: About how long ago did this happen?
Caller: Oh, about 20 minutes ago.
Dispatcher: What caused the fall?
Caller: Uh, intoxication.
Dispatcher: Is she completely alert?
Caller: She is.
Dispatcher: Is she breathing normally?
Caller: Yes, she is.
Dispatcher: What part of the body was injured?
Caller: Uh, she landed on her upper back, neck area.
Dispatcher: Is there any serious bleeding?
Caller: No, no, no bleeding that I can see.
(The caller gives directions to the concierge level and says he’ll meet paramedics. The dispatcher tells the caller not to move the person unless she’s in danger and not to let her have anything to eat or drink.)
Dispatcher: Just let her rest in the most comfortable position and wait for help to arrive.
Caller: OK.
(Dispatcher instructs caller to call back if person’s condition changes. He agrees.)