Failed Pilot

Been a while, huh? I promise to write more posts. I promise. My eleven readers deserve it. I’ve been busy.

Ramping up on the freelance front, I’ll have a small handful of reviews (three, to be exact) in the September and October issues of Spin Magazine. Might have something in Vice soon, and two large comedy-based features in either the August or September issue of Harp Magazine.

I made a crucial mistake in the current issue of Magnet Magazine. In my metal-themed installment of Where’s The Street Team, I referred to Death Angel’s Pepa brothers as “Latino” when in fact, they are Filipino. Whoops. Perhaps I got confused, seeing as how Spanish is the dominate language spoken in the Philipines. Naturally, I was called out in the letters section. Magnet and Death Angel fans. Makes total sense.

Tonight, I’m writing a travel piece for the September issue of Memphis Magazine, even though I’ll be working from memory and it’s been three years since I’ve done any actual travelling pertinent to this feature.

A fourth remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Appropriate that Nicole Kidman stars, as she did in the godawful remake of another great 70’s horror film, The Stepford Wives. The new Invasion is PG-13 (strike one), and if you care enough, check out both Philp Kaufman’s ‘78 version and Abel Ferrara’s Body Snatchers from ‘93. Both are great.

So let’s end by rating some Ferrara films.

Driller Killer (1979) - Hilarious. Essential if you need another Grade D horror fix.

Ms. 45 (1981) - See above.

I cannot pick out the two episodes of Miami Vice that Ferrara directed.

King of New York (1990) - When someone spoofs or riffs on Christopher Walken, this movie represents a good reason why. Good crime flick, though.

Bad Lieutenant (1992) - See it if you haven’t. So over-the-top, laughable, and tragic that it’s amazing this film didn’t make more of an impact in the long run. This scene should push you to the rental store. Most of the other memorable scenes are also available on YouTube.

Aside from The Funeral (1996), it goes a little downhill in recent years. Or maybe I’m just lazy.

Bill Maher was a much funnier man prior to his most recent HBO stand-up special, when he wore designer jeans and a t-shirt featuring a cartoon picture of a dragon smoking pot. Bill, you’re 51-years-old and rich. Buy a mirror.

Wow. I really don’t feel like making a post.

The funniest part of the Reno 911 movie? The previews.

I just won a Memphis Pros (our ABA team, ‘70 - ‘71) hat off of eBay.

Colleague David Dunlap Jr. just turned me onto the Chingo Bling (and entourage) phenomenon. Giving further credence to the fact that the only important thing in Houston is Hip-Hop, this nuthatch deserves an audience. So as not to undermine Dunlap’s upcoming profile in The Washington City Paper, I’ll keep it short. Having invested a considerable amount of time and energy to Novelty Hip-Hop, I’m hooked for a few days. Just give the website a thorough run, and you’ll be hooked as well.

End your journey with the video by Chingo cohort, Coast (”Hennessey and Cheetos”). Scroll down to the player and browse the list. That sample? Nice, brazen lift.

…and it’s rated G. 

When I was 17, Wild At Heart was the shit. Tonight, mumbling on in the background, it’s unwatchable. To think of the 90’s retro-robot awfulness that this thing inspired. I can’t. Intense? Fucked-Up? Yeah, alright. UFO or Bigfoot documentary NOW please!!!!

Ok, I like Blue Velvet.

But that’s it.

Who out there has seen a little Brit-Caper called The Hard Word? Not bad!! Could have been baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!

Here’s the next ,and possibly last, installment of the SXSW table that I sat behind.

From Craigslist “Missed Connections” re: last weekend’s Pitchfork Festival:

Green-eyed girl standing behind me during Grizzly Bear at Pitchfork - m4w - 22

Reply to: pers-374122413@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-07-14, 10:42PM CDT

I’ll be there tomorrow, Sunday; and i live in Chicago . I’m not a creep, i swear.

Monday, July 16th, is the first Monday in ages that hasn’t carried a deadline of some sort. Though I should be working on one of my running projects/book….things, or a deadline that falls a little later in the week, I elected to spend the afternoon with cable TV. Here’s the timeline:

1. The last 20 minutes of McVigar, a movie I’ve never seen (should have, tho).

2. Most of Dreamscape, a movie that terrified me as a child. This is one of the first movies to be rated PG-13. It could have easily been R-rated. The only hilarious aspect, at this point, is that it co-starred the poor-man’s Sean Penn, David Patrick Kelly. It’s possible that he never played anything but a villain. He was pushed from a cliff in Commando.

3. Took a nap. Read the latest issue of The Oxford American. Well, some of it.

4. Watched a couple of MSNBC doc shows, on of which was based in Memphis.

5. Toggled between 60 Minutes and Spike’s CSI.

6. Oh, a partial viewing of Roadhouse, a movie that I’ve seen 1,982 times, fit in somewhere.

7. Started the new Big Love, but switched over to Dog Day Afternoon, another movie that I’ve seen 1,982 times.

8. On to Entourage (a show that I always enjoy, despite….IT).

9. This is my third episode, out of six or so, of Flight of the Conchords. I’m not in the mood today, or of writerly capacity, today to give a readable, detailed criticism of this show. Don’t expect any of that.

A. Eight years ago, Beck did that faux-R&B, white boy falsetto crooning that hipsters find so amusing. When real live black people, like R. Kelly (current) or Luther Vandross (dead), do ballads, white people (including myself, but less so these days), find it amusing. This version is an 11th over dumb down. Some half-decent lines…yes. Otherwise, this show is not winning me over. I love how these two are portrayed as loveless losers, but they’re obviously super hot chick magnets. I detect a little too much nudge-nudge hipster humor (see Aziz’s Books on Tape short film) - all “that looks like a party I’ve been to” and no solid jokes.