Failed Pilot

Tonight on (my) channel 62, otherwise known as the Sci-Fi Channel, there premieres a movie titled Supergator. Unlike other Sci-Fi originals, this one does not star Coolio or Sonic Youth’s first drummer, Richard Edson. It does feature Kelly McGillis in a lateral move from Top Gun, and the reliable Scientist In A Wheelchair role, covered by John Colton (I think).

Fifteen minutes in and no gore. I can’t imagine the bikini clad victims-to-be/extras as anything more than porn stars in a parallel life. Whup….a fashion photographer and a buxom model were just eaten. The CGI is so obtrusive that the blood looked like a hovering, red cloud, and the scene was a total rip of Samuel Jackson’s last moment in Deep Blue Sea (a genuine, roll-in-the-floor laff riot….the scene, not the entire film).

Let’s do a little dissecting (horrible non-pun intended). Writer/director Brian Clyde (oh, and there are three writers credited here) hasn’t, eh, done too much, but star Brad Johnson is no stranger to F-list straight-to-DVD and made-for-TV fare. You’ll be able to catch him in a future Sci-Fi original called Copperhead (it incorporates a “wild west” theme!!). Supergator is a buffet of poor-man’s actors/actresses. The poor-man’s Swayze. The poor man’s Halle Berry. The poor man’s William Peterson. The poor-man’s Treat Williams (and that’s rough).

The salty, aging scientist/zoologist/hunter (not to be confused with the paraplegic scientist) pockets a pint of bourbon at all times. I haven’t done the proper amount of research to determine which actor plays this part. Whup….another bimbo met her demise through jump cuts of bloody body parts and screams. As we’re 50 minutes in, three separate parties are traipsing through the jungles of Hawaii: The scientists, the environmentalists, and three party dudes (fat wacky guy….check!!). Barely-clothed tarts are distributed throughout all three groups. One has been running through the woods for 30 minutes. Frances Doel, a co-writer, was the script girl for Cockfighter (the ‘74 adaptation of Willeford’s novel), and her subsequent writing credits make for a what’s what of disaster/nature-strikes-back….’78’s Avalanche all the way to ’04’s Dinocroc.

Wow! This just in: Roger Corman produced it! Ok, maybe that’s a “wow.”

Shall we have a one-hour mark (btw…one of the gorier scenes just happened) wager re: how Supergator will be stopped?

1. Explosives

2. Pushed into live volcano (it must be noted that a live volcano “spawned” the Supergator)

3. Shot with something…like an anti-aircraft rocket

4. Chopped up or dismembered

5. It escapes

Yes, this is what I’m doing when there are far more important projects to work on. Television, I love you.  

The drunken sidekick (played by Bruce Campbell!!!)….check!!!

The female spy/crew member (she’s added some wrinkles since Things To Do In Denver When You’re Dead) that’s good with the gadgets…..check!!

The ghetto-less Miami….check!!!

Fires, explosions, ramble-tamble in the busy streets….check!!!

A seemingly broke and harrassed spy that manages to dress like a garden variety sushi bar/martini-sipping assbag…..check!!

I’m hooked.

Pasted below is my review of Redemption Song: The Ballad of Joe Strummer By Chris Salewicz

This review was to run in the print version of The Memphis Flyer’s literary supplement, but due to my belligerent disregard of the needed word count, it’s online-only. Still, it appears that a lot was cut. Online is better than no-line.

Redemption Song: The Ballad of Joe Strummer By Chris Salewicz Farrar Straus and Giroux, 640 pp., $30

Introducing: Everything you’ve ever want to know about Johnny Mellor — aka Woody Mellor, aka Joe Strummer (of the Clash) — who tragically passed away in 2002 due to an undiagnosed heart condition. But talk about exhaustive biographies: Chris Salewicz’s Redemption Song: The Ballad of Joe Strummer takes the cake. Most music biographies fall victim to too much pre-fame, pre-relevance, and youth coverage, and Redemption Song is no different. Occasionally in the opening pages, Salewicz does flash-forward and back through Strummer’s adolescence, the Clash era, and post-death accounts from friends and relatives. For the most part, though, Redemption Song follows in chronological order, and the highlights of the first 160 pages — some of it slow reading — are as follows: 

Strummer’s older brother suffered from depression and committed suicide when Strummer was 18. This had a massive impact on Strummer’s life and creative drive, including Strummer’s pre-Clash concern, the 101′ers, a decent pub rock band that never released recordings while together. Salewicz also traces during this period the ongoing development of Strummer’s stoicism offstage and drama and high energy onstage, behavior that came to its fruition with the Clash. Naturally, the Clash sections of Redemption Song beat out the book’s beginning and end in terms of readability. Most interesting is the fact that the band was created by an impresario, just like the Sex Pistols, who had Malcolm McLaren. The Clash was more or less masterminded by a lesser known but equally brilliant London scenester/hustler by the name of Bernard (”Bernie”) Rhodes. The political phrases pasted on Strummer’s Telecaster, for example? That was Rhodes successfully launching a trend that carries on to this day. 

Salewicz’s writing is workmanlike, and he gets the job done. It also helps that the author was a good friend of Strummer’s. This intimacy benefits Redemption Song, peppering it with minute details that a less familiar biographer might not know. After the Clash folded, Strummer busied himself with sporadic projects, including but not limited to soundtrack work for Sid and Nancy, co-writing much of the second Big Audio Dynamite (Mick Jones’ post-Clash project) album, and recording a 1989 solo album, Earthquake Weather, which turned out to be a flop. 

The closing portion of Redemption Song is given over to Strummer’s final three to four years with the Mescaleros, his handpicked band, which made a respectable impact by jumping all over the musical map: reggae, roots-rock, ska, and much cover material. It was with this group that Strummer reignited the spark that burned hot during his days with the Clash.  Clash fans are encouraged to check out Pat Gilbert’s Passion Is the Fashion: The Story of the Clash. For Strummer fanatics, see Redemption Song. — Andrew Earles