Sun 20 Apr 2008
(Patrick H., this post is for you)
Because of my slight obsession with Harsh Times, it was only a matter of time before I became acquainted with Street Kings. The former has a total and complete trainwreck with an absurd punch that the latter lacks. Street Kings is not the vital viewing that Harsh Times is, a movie only appropriate for those perpetually nagged by the questions:
1. What were they thinking?
2. How did this get made?
3. How is it that I have reached (enter age here) with a strong taste for movies that are godawful?
4. Am I really considering the idea that Assassination Tango, Harsh Times, Street Kings, Shoot ‘Em Up, and….holy christ, am I really making this post?!?!?!
…and read another re-posted dispatch from Skag Winesack!
Ok, this is some serious shit. So far, I’m the only one to break it. It commanded a pretty penny from one of my best C.I.’s (by the way, numbnuts, this stands for “Confidential Informant”….stop with the asinine questions). Are you sitting down?
Some six days ago, we lost a great talent in crime fiction. Mickey Spillane, the genius behind the “Mike Hammer” series, died at the age of 88. I sincerely hate to be the bringer of bad news, but I felt like my readers needed to know. The blow is big enough to justify the $850 paid to the C.I. I think. The financial setback will have repercussions around the boat. I’ll have to switch from Banquet frozen dinners to the “Wood Sergeant” store brand. The instant coffee will be generic for a while. The tune up on the sax will have to wait, and the cat will have to eat whatever I eat, and pass it on through those knockers to the newborn kittens.
My place of residence is convenient. I can fish for most of my meals. Gar and drum get a bad rap, but that hump-of-the-back meat can make a great stew. The harbor could use some cleaning up. Sure, no one likes that foam at the shore. I’ll tell ya, tho, it beats that motor oil and doo doo water they got down in Destin. Let’s hope Winesack doesn’t have to take a case down there. Not that the gas could be afforded, or that the Peugeot 505si or Volvo 240 coupe are actually running right now. Three hundred bux for each, O.B.O.
So, what you’re fave P.I. is gettin’ at is this: I’m taking donations. Certainly you found the Mickey Spillane info to be worth a bone or two. Please send a note of intent to the following address; then we can arrange for a place to meet.
Skag Winesack
c/o The Skag Winesack Relief Fund
The Quiet Afternoon Marina, Slip 45
Memphis, TN 38103
April 21st, 2008 at 1:21 pm
So we SHOULD or SHOULD NOT go see this movie at a matinee? We were discussing it just yesterday.
April 21st, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Try “The Boondock Saints” on for size. A movie for people who, every weekend, play poker from 10:00 PM Saturday night to 10:00 AM Sunday morning because *that’s* what dudes do; and this is the movie they watch.
April 22nd, 2008 at 11:20 pm
“Who’s going to go where the law won’t? Are you going to clean up the needles and baby parts?”
April 26th, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Top ten greatest instances of scenery-chewing in movie history? I demand a post on this topic. It could be individual scenes or whole films.
April 28th, 2008 at 10:00 pm
They’re all pulp, maybe? Codified goofy pulp, which can be a real virtue. Reading some old Heinlein stuff that seems the same way, super-retarded and mostly on purpose, lots of hot sex between scientists, and everyone talks like a cartoon mobster, while they’re trying to invent really futuristic stuff, like solar energy panels. Sort of similar to “Shoot ‘Em Up”, “Smoking Barrels”, etc. Maybe these movies fill a void formerly taken up by “true adventure” men’s 50s magazines, “Out of the Ashes”, “The Survivalist” series, stuff like that.