Failed Pilot

LEAVE FAILED PILOT IMMEDIATELY AND GO HERE!!!

…to host the final evening of the Hi-Tone’s 10 Year Anniversary weekend. It was by far the best (collective) 20 - 25 minutes I’ve had on a stage in ages. The evening before (Saturday), I DJ’ed the Torche / Coliseum / Clouds show. DJ’ing that sort of show is cake. No “play something we can dance to” or “play some Clash/T.Rex/Jam!!!” etc. I was accompanied for half a set by my friend Dale McNeil, who assaulted the crowd with Striborg and absurdly obscure River City Hardcore (not Copout, before you ask). Meaning, I have no idea exactly what he played. I do have my set list, however, and I’m going to hit you with it, because I can’t think of anything clever to post. Skip it or continue reading and you’ll be awarded a blow-by-blow of last night’s on-stage nonsense.

A combination of my four short DJ sets during the Torche / Coliseum / Clouds show:

(all music is from vinyl…not to be one of those…I rarely DJ anymore, but when I do, no iPod or CD player)

Rapeman “Dutch Courage”

Tragedy “Call to Arms”

Steel Pole Bathtub “The Wasp Jar”

Drive Like Jehu “Turn It Off”

C / Average “Usurper Girl”

Accept “Breaker”

Tar “Walking the King”

Coroner “Voyage to Eternity”

Saint Vitus “The Creeps”

Harvey Milk “Down”

Cactus “Evil”

Kudgel “I Love You”

Love 666 “You Sold Me Out #2″

Onslaught “In Search of Sanity”

Alice Cooper “Black Juju”

Part Chimp “B1″

Trumans Water “Long End of a Firearm”

UFO “Lights Out”

Jesus Lizard Medley: “Gladiator” / “The Best Parts” / “Glamorous”

Shellac “Canaveral”

Fucked Up “Year of the Pig”

Bad Brains “I Against I”

Agent Orange “Bloodstains”

Black Flag “Best One Yet”

Boris “Buzz-In”

Black Sabbath “Over and Over”

The Bastards “Parade”

I may have skipped some…

Then…

The Hi-Tone being the 10th anniversary of a club that’s hosted many shows I’ve attended or spent many hours writing about, I “MC’ed” a show headlined by Magnolia Electric Co. The evening also featured a raffle awarding year-long passes to two lucky attendees. To drum up excitement, I ran down a list of upcoming shows. The (fictional, of course) list included Jack Off Jill, Carter the Unstoppable Sex Machine, Ethyl Meatplow, Chainsaw Kittens, The Mentors, and you get the picture. On the 10th or 11th band, I decided to address the woman yelling “Hey!” and standing directly in front of the stage. She looked very normal and appeared to be in her late-30’s.

“Do we have a Dread Zeppelin fan in the audience?” I asked with a smile.

“No…Jack Off Jill….I’m a huge Jack Off Jill fan, are they really playing?!? What date was that?!?”

“Honestly, I made these up. It’s a joke.”

“Not nice words. Those were not nice words.”

“Well, they weren’t mean…I didn’t say anything rude about Jack Off Jill.”

“Not nice words.”

A few minutes later, I watched her exit the front door with a boyfriend/friend/husband. Upon returning to the stage, I finished the list but prefaced this round with, “Ok, I don’t want the crowd to keep shrinking, so I need to know if anyone is a fan of the following….” Badfinger reunion, Chainsaw Kittens, and so on…..

When the list (a long one that I don’t remember verbatim…just like I don’t remember my precise words) came to an end, the same lady was standing in the same spot.

“You’re good….those are fine. You’re safe.”

Other (much more entertaining) moments will be lost in translation and I need to get on with some real work.

Did I really spell “Dolemite” as “Dolomite”…..???? Sorry folks…been buried under a mountain of writing, which is better than being buried under a mountain of pitch-writing. The pitch-writing only amounts to a small pile. I just listened to The Jesus Lizard’s Liar and must say that “Gladiator” holds up…and then some. Wow…that mistake in the previous post. Makes me thankful that the comments section is turned off. On that note: Doing so has shown just how lazy you people really are. It’s not like you have to pack up a box of crap and ride your bike to the post office.

Speaking of the post office, but not really….at all….take a look at this person’s LP collection! With the economy in its current state, who has the money to buy CD’s? Who needs milk? Who needs pet food or diapers? Hey, people that lurk on Craigslist have probably never stepped foot inside a thrift shop, so why not? I’ve got $15 burning a hole in my pocket and don’t feel like dealing with Mexicans whistling at my lady or catching some creepy-crawlies from used boxer-briefs, so I’ll pass on the .50 copy Chicago 17 at The Goodwill.

The 5th Dimension- Age of Aquarius- $5.00
Air Supply(3)- Lost In Love, The One You Love, Now & Forever- $5.00 ea
The Animals- Animal Tracks- $35.00
Atlanta Rythym Section- Rock/Roll Alternative- $5.00
Bobby Bare- This Is Bobby Bare- $10.00
The Beatles- Help!- $10.00
The Beatles- Sgt. Pepper’s..- $150.00
The Beatles- Meet The Beatles- $100.00
Brick- Good High- $15.00
Dave Brubeck The Quartet- Bossa Nova USA- $10.00
Captain & Tennille- Love Will Keep…- $15.00
Captain & Tennille- Song of Joy- $15.00
The Carpenters- Close To You- $10.00
Johnny Cash & Waylon Jennings- Heroes- $15.00
Shaun Cassidy- Da Doo Ron Ron- $15.00
C’est Chic- $15.00
Cher- Cher’s Golden Greats- $10.00
Chicago- 17- $15.00
Nat King Cole- LOVE- $7.50
Natalie Cole- Inseparable- $2.00
Ray Connif- Connif Meets Butterfield- $12.50
Xavier Cugat- King Plays Some Aces- $25.00
John Davidson- Everytime I Sing..- $15.00
Pete Fountain(4)- The Blues, New Orleans, Bateau Lounge, French Quarter- $20.00ea
Freddie & the Dreamers- Frantic Freddie- $6.00
Vern Gosdin- If You’re Ever Gonna…- $10.00
Merle Haggard(2)- Okie From Muskogee(live), Pride In What..- $15.00ea
Hall & Oates- Private Eyes- $5.00
Herman’s Hermits- Introducing Herman’s Hermits- $5.00
Thelma Houston- Any Way You Like It- $5.00
Isley Bros- Go For Your Guns- $6.00
Michael Jackson- Ben- (Rat on Bottom of Cover)- $45.00
Waylon Jennings- Only the Greatest- $12.50
Waylon Jennings- Dreaming My Dreams- $3.00
George Jones- Anniversary 10 Yrs of Hits- $15.00
Tom Jones- This Is Tom Jones- $6.00
The Judds- Wynonna & Naomi- $8.00
Carole King- Tapestry- 6.00
Kris Kristofferson- Me & Bobby McGee- $3.00
Huey Lewis & The News(2)- Sports, Fore- $8.00ea
Lovin Spoonful- Do You Believe In Magic- $15.00
Barry Manilow- This One’s For You- $5.00
Barry MAnilow- Greatest Hits- $10.00
Barry MAnilow- One Voice- $8.00
BArry MAnilow- Live- $10.00
Barry Manilow- Even Now- $6.00
Barry Manilow- Greatest Vol. 2- $6.00
BArry MAnilow- Tryin To Get THe Feeling- $5.00
Mantovani(2)- Music From The Films, Film Encores,- 15.00ea
Johnny Mathis- Swing Softly- 15.00
Paul McCartney(Wings)- At The Speed Of Sound- 5.00
Mel McDaniel- Naturally Country- $15.00
Ronnie Milsap- Keyed Up- $5.00
The Monkees- Pisces Aquarius…- $30.00
The Monkees- Headquarters- $15.00
The Monkees- THe Monkees- $12.50
Billy Mure- Fireworks- $40.00
Night Ranger- 15.00
Oak Ridge Boys- Greatest HIts 2- $5.00
The Osmonds- Live- $8.00
Parliament- LIve/P. Funk Earth Tour- $20.00
Boots Randolph- Greatest Hits of- 10.00
Charlie Rich- THe Silver Fox- $6.00
Jeannie C. Riley- Harper Valley PTA- 20.00
Kenny Rogers- Greatest Hits- $4.00
The Rolling Stones- Black & Blue- $5.00
The Romantics- In Heat- 15.00
Soupy Sales- Sez Do The Mouse…- 12.50
Simon & Garfunkel- Bridge Over Troubled Water- 3.00
Paul Simon- Still Crazy After..- $9.00
Bruce Springsteen- Born IN The USA- $5.00
Barbra Streisand(3)- Wet, The Way We Were,My Name Is Barbra 2- 10.00ea
Survivor- When Seconds Count- $15.00
Tears For Fears-Songs From The Big Chair- 15.00
Three Dog Night(2)- Comin Down …, Suitable For..- $6.00ea
Tanya Tucker- LOve Me LIke…- $5.00
Conway Twitty(3)- Mr. T, Cross Winds, Southern Comfort- $6.00ea
The UNion Gap- Woman, Woman- $15.00
Gino Vanelli- Storm At Sunup- $5.00
Billy Vaughn(3)- Theme From A Summer PLace, La Paloma, Golden Inst.- $15.00ea
Baron Von Listz- Strauss Waltzes- $15.00
Don Williams(3)- THe Best Of Vol 2, Visions, Listen To THe Radio- $6.00ea

Soundtracks
Grease- $8.00
THe Jazz Singer, Neil Diamond- $8.00
Saturday NIght Fever- $7.00
THe Apartment- $20.00

LP’s Without sleeves
JImi Hendrix- Smash Hits- $2.00
Elvis Presley- GI Blues- $20.00